Experience helping others to understand the concept of being “transgender”
has taught me how to now be a “trans-parent.”
Summer has gone and fall has come even thought that is difficult to believe when you are still scorched under the hot Los Angeles sun. It has been a readjustment moving back to Los Angeles from Brooklyn, NY. Less humidity and more spread out common conveniences like the liquor store or the supermarket. Los Angeles, or “The Valley” I should say, is definitely different for a San Francisco city raised girl like me.
You may wonder why bother making the move since New York is so much better. Owning and managing an entertainment company is the main reason for my move. Resources for operating and growing my production company are abundant in Los Angeles for instance such as make up artists, photographers, video-0graphers, talent, and simple industry connections.
No life is perfect especially not when you are 24. Sometimes you got to bend a little or make some temporary sacrifices in order to achieve your goals. Most people may view my situation differently as being a workaholic or uptight but few can really understand how it is being a single parent.
For those who may not know a new chapter of my life has opened as I now care for my 14 year old brother who lives with me full time now. I have mentioned before having the “transgender talk” with my brother and family. As time has passed, his recollection of our past relationship has now evolved to a newfound respect and idolization, which I’m honored and gratified to receive.
My brother was expected to stay with me only for his summer vacation to experience a new city and new approach to life with me. Our mother, who I don’t mention quite often, was expected to be married to a new husband. It has been an awkward and uncomfortable situation with our mother marrying a man who my little brother had only met 3 times and me never meeting him at all!
I feel the core of my emotions are derived from the little communication that my mother and I have alongside discovering she has known this man for many years but only reconnected for a few months on separate visits. He lives in San Francisco and occasionally visits my mother in Brooklyn for a few days. My mother has never been keen on her communication skills with her children nor has she embraced her maternal instincts.
It is easy to say that my mother is no ordinary mother and “motherhood” is more of a title than a role. My little brother and I have separate fathers so having a new stepfather so abruptly in our lives, with little to no knowledge or familiarity puts an even bigger stress on our relationship.
My brother decided, due to how everything was handled and came about, that I would be a better parent and role model to support his goals and success in his education, knowledge, and discipline. Adjusting to parenthood, along with moving to a new bigger home, has added much more stress and chaos to my lifestyle and scheduling. Knowing that I can be a better mother and parent is very rewarding though.
I understand what is going to be required and expected of me, especially anything that may be inappropriate. As a parent, I decided to share all the aspects of my life, career, goals, and objectives to my little brother including being an adult performer. Like many others, initiating an adult or sexual context conversation is always going to be tough with a teenager or a sibling. But I believe being “transparent” and sincere is always the best approach no matter what the outcome may be.
Experience helping others to understand the concept of being “transgender” has taught me how to now be a “trans-parent”. The education and understanding that I am providing my sibling/child will hopefully provide more avenues for open communication such as his needs, discomforts, and/or passions. Fortunately, I have had many experiences with children and parenting from previous relationships. These prior experiences allowed me to practice my parenting skills but I know I am no expert.
I will continue sharing my story as a “trans-parent” monthly in the hopes that my experiences will give you confidence with other trans-parents and the transgender community. As a new parent, I hope to foster and build commentary, insights, and knowledge so I can try to be a better parent. “When life throws you lemons, you make lemonade,” and I know my life is not ordinary with some weird shaped lemons!
So please comment and share, I would like to learn more and grow together, sharing knowledge with those who can relate.